I grew up in Utah. Then I moved to Idaho for college. And now we live in Kentucky.
Staying with my parents and my in-laws in Utah brought back my memories of home before kids. The carefree days where I could go anywhere; where I could earn money and spend it on anything; where I could stay up late on summer nights, knowing I could sleep in as long as I wanted to.
At first, the trip was hard without Doug. I felt overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care of 2 little ones alone. Vacation used to be where I got a break from life--yet raising kids is a 24/7 kind of job. And Doug helps so much with them, that it suddenly felt like I was working overtime!
Then I started realizing how much others were helping me. My relatives played with the kids all day long. I could go upstairs to grab something and know others were watching them. We had activities planned every day. I made dinner only twice that month! Others were so sweet to pay for us to eat out, to spoil the kids. We had so much fun.
Now I've been back "home" in Kentucky for a week. The first few days, I was so excited to be back. To be with my husband again. To have my own house to live in, to clean and take care of. I worked non-stop those first few days, cleaning, cooking and organizing. The next few days were filled with doctor appointments, outings, the Olympics, working out, YW's...I was going to "do it all". Then it hit me.
I was exhausted! I didn't want to do it all. Now I'm in charge of the meals again. The laundry. The children. No one is there to do it for me. I began to miss my mother and mother-in-law especially. I didn't realize how much I relied on them while in Utah. But the load of being a "single-mother" for a month had been lightened knowing that they would help. I began to feel discouraged about myself and my confidence as a mother.
Then I read this post on Jenni's blog about Stephanie, a mother who just lost her 14-month old daughter. Stephanie's post here really touched me, especially when she said this:
God is my strength. He helps me. And my wonderful husband and I continue to work together. The responsibility is still there, but what an honor it is. I'm so grateful to have so many homes...and all of them full of love. I'm blessed to be able to watch my children grow. To watch Zach grin, his dimples crinkling up his face as I help him walk across the room. To watch Aubrey sharing a toy with her brother. What a blessing to be a mother, and to be in my own home, raising our own little family.
5 comments:
You are a great mom, and yes it is easy to get overwhelmed! There are always people out there to help you, don't be afraid to ask for help. And alwasy remember to take time for yourself.
Wow, I really appreciated the honesty in this entry. It is so wonderful to appreciate the details, even the nondescript ones. I think it adds richness to our lives. Love you!
Beautifully said. I can really relate with feeling overwhelmed, and at the same time being so grateful for the help of others and the blessing of having a family to raise. It's such a wonderful system, isn't it? That we get to help souls into this world, and then they in turn help more souls? It really is an honor to be a mother. An eternal job.
Thank you for sharing that. I also have a friend who has a little baby who's lucky each day she is alive. Reading her blog always makes me feel guilty for not taking advantage of every second with my children. It's so easy to be selfish and want to do things for ourselves, but our children need us. Your thoughts were just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.
What a great reminder to cherish all parts of the ordinary day and all the responsibility that comes with it. You're a great mother Janae and it was so fun to see you and the kids while you were here. We miss you guys!
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